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CW4x4Him
Limited Member
Posts: 598

Tool Definitions

 

 

 

DRILL PRESS:

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of

your hands, cutting them profusely, and coming loose and flying across the

room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

 

 

WIRE WHEEL:

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench

with the speed of light.

 

 

SKILL SAW:

A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

 

 

PLIERS:

Used to round off bolt heads.

 

 

BELT SANDER:

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into

major refinishing jobs.

 

 

HACKSAW:

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle ... It transforms

human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt

to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

 

 

VISE-GRIPS:

Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.

 

 

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.

 

 

 

TABLE SAW:

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for

testing wall integrity.

 

 

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your

new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

 

 

BAND SAW:

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good

aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can

after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

 

 

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot

to disconnect.

 

 

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style

paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used,

as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

 

 

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted

screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

 

 

PRY BAR:

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed

to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

 

 

HAMMER:

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a

kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object

we are trying to hit usually smashing the thumb that is holding the object that

you are trying to pound into whatever it is that you are working on

 

 

UTILITY KNIFE:

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered

to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl

records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and

rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only

while in use.

 

 

SOB TOOL:

Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling,

"SOB!" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next

tool that you will need.

--

"Its life or death now. Make your choice.  Who's side are you on?"

February 18, 2010 at 6:56 PM Flag Quote & Reply

arjeepin
Limited Member
Posts: 83

:Dyou sure know your tools:D

--

1990 YJ........arjeepin on rockwells

February 21, 2010 at 12:04 AM Flag Quote & Reply

arveetek
Member
Posts: 947

That's pretty hilarious right thar!!  :D

--

95 Chevy Tahoe 2 door, 6.5L turbodiesel, 285/75R16 Kenda Klever M/T's on Toyota steelies, some other goodies.  Overlanding Fun

February 21, 2010 at 10:59 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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